the first two weeks

i expected the worst with pregnancy. i had heard all kinds of horror stories, and was prepared to be miserable, especially towards the end. i was delightfully surprised at how ok it was. the worst part for me was that it somewhat forced me to into the limelight a bit more than i would like. and the annoying comments after my due date came and went. overall not bad, and some parts were...gasp...pleasant.

i was not, however prepared for the first two weeks of having a newborn. i knew it would be hard. but i failed to realize how hard. i knew i would be sleep deprived, but i had no idea to what extent. i didn't even think about the huge part that hormones would play.

there were days that i functioned on 1 hour of sleep in a whole day. every decision felt like it could alter his entire life, i was a sobbing mess that didn't feel capable of the huge responsibility in front of me. he was (is) so small and precious, how in the world am i supposed to take care of him and know what to do? poor aaron, was so patient (with us both).

things i have learned about motherhood:

1. motherhood can be heavy. the love is unlike anything you have experienced before. and though that sounds pleasant, it is also incredibly overwhelming. days start and end with the saddest cries you have ever heard that bring you to a panic. normally a capable person, i found myself googling every single thing "is green poop normal for a newborn?" or "how to get your newborn to sleep in his bassinet" and feeling like i wasn't good enough because i didn't know the answer to any of it.

2. motherhood is like a sisterhood. no joke. before i was a mom, if i heard someone was expecting i would tell them congratulations and buy them a gift. that was it. simple. i have been floored by the way that other mothers have been so generous. offering to go to the store, bringing us food, asking how i'm feeling. bringing flowers. offering words of encouragement, support, and understanding. the support has been overwhelming from mothers far and near. i can not wait to pay it forward to the next newbie.

things are getting better. i am way less hormonal and crazy, and i'm averaging about 5-6 hours of sleep a night (not consecutive, but still way better). emmett has brought such love and joy to our house and i am forever thankful he is ours. motherhood will always be hard, i know, but the rewards are even greater.