the first two weeks

i expected the worst with pregnancy. i had heard all kinds of horror stories, and was prepared to be miserable, especially towards the end. i was delightfully surprised at how ok it was. the worst part for me was that it somewhat forced me to into the limelight a bit more than i would like. and the annoying comments after my due date came and went. overall not bad, and some parts were...gasp...pleasant.

i was not, however prepared for the first two weeks of having a newborn. i knew it would be hard. but i failed to realize how hard. i knew i would be sleep deprived, but i had no idea to what extent. i didn't even think about the huge part that hormones would play.

there were days that i functioned on 1 hour of sleep in a whole day. every decision felt like it could alter his entire life, i was a sobbing mess that didn't feel capable of the huge responsibility in front of me. he was (is) so small and precious, how in the world am i supposed to take care of him and know what to do? poor aaron, was so patient (with us both).

things i have learned about motherhood:

1. motherhood can be heavy. the love is unlike anything you have experienced before. and though that sounds pleasant, it is also incredibly overwhelming. days start and end with the saddest cries you have ever heard that bring you to a panic. normally a capable person, i found myself googling every single thing "is green poop normal for a newborn?" or "how to get your newborn to sleep in his bassinet" and feeling like i wasn't good enough because i didn't know the answer to any of it.

2. motherhood is like a sisterhood. no joke. before i was a mom, if i heard someone was expecting i would tell them congratulations and buy them a gift. that was it. simple. i have been floored by the way that other mothers have been so generous. offering to go to the store, bringing us food, asking how i'm feeling. bringing flowers. offering words of encouragement, support, and understanding. the support has been overwhelming from mothers far and near. i can not wait to pay it forward to the next newbie.

things are getting better. i am way less hormonal and crazy, and i'm averaging about 5-6 hours of sleep a night (not consecutive, but still way better). emmett has brought such love and joy to our house and i am forever thankful he is ours. motherhood will always be hard, i know, but the rewards are even greater.

introducing emmett joshua wech

our sweet boy, emmett joshua, was born two weeks late on friday, april 3rd, at 6:58pm. he was 6lbs 14 oz and was 20.5 inches long. everyone is doing well. we are happy, healthy, sleep deprived and in love.

that's the abbreviated version. if you want the long story see below. 

labor officially started on tuesday. the midwives checked me and i was only a 1/2 cm dialated after being a week and a half late. trish, our midwife and friend, gave us the option of trying a catheter to get the ball rolling. it was inserted in the morning and by 2:30pm contractions had started. they kept going until midnight. then they stopped. 

we went back to the midwives the next day. i was 3cm dialated and they gave me herbs, dieter tea and told me to pump as a way to bring about contractions. nothing happened when i was trying these methods, but contractions started on their own again around midnight and lasted until 7:30am. just long enough to not get any sleep. 

that morning the lora, one of the midwives, checked and I was 4cm dialated. she did a membrane sweep and sent me home. contractions started for the last time that thursday morning at 11:30. they continued the entire day and into the night. 

by 3am they had became so intense that my screams woke aaron up. he helped me get in the shower which helped a lot with the pain...until we ran out of hot water. he then surprised me with jelly beans he had sneakily purchased for the occasion (i couldn't have any sweets the last 14 weeks due to gestational diabetes). i suffered through another hour of contractions then got back in the shower after our hot water was replenished. soon after, the contractions got to the magical 4 minutes apart stage and we got to call the birth center. i remember as we left our house that it was incredibly weird to know that the next time i came home i would be a mother. 

when we got to the birth center it was about 6:30am on friday. friday was our two week mark, so at the end of the day we would risk out of the birth center and have to go to the hospital to be induced. i had been in labor around 33 hours total. karin, the midwife on call checked me and i was still just 4cm dialated. no progress from the day before. this news broke my spirit. i sobbed. i hadn't slept in two days, the contractions were unbearable and i was no closer than i had been the day before. i sat in a warm bath at the birth center while aaron tried to console me. 

trish, our friend and coincidentally also a midwife, arrived around 9am. she gave us our options: i could take some ambian and try to sleep, go to the hospital and try some morphine, or go to the hospital and get an epidural and get induced. aaron and i talked. i really really wanted to get an epidural and be induced, but i felt like a failure for giving up on natural childbirth. he and trish both reassured me that i gave it a solid effort for 3 days. there was no failure. i felt so relieved at that. we then headed to the hospital. 

the epidural took about an hour to get, but our nurse, jena, gave me something lovely to help me relax until then. after the epidural was in place, aaron and i both slept for about 4-5 hours. trish then came back to check on me. after a quick look, she said it was time to push - i was at 10 cm!  at this point i was in disbelief. the entire thing felt like i was in a movie.

the pushing began around 4:30pm. trish, jena, aaron and i were the only ones in the room. trish was a terrific coach. aaron held my leg, held my hand, and got me all the water i wanted. after about 2.5 hours of pushing, emmett joshua wech was born!

i was concerned right away, as he was quiet and there were no screams. also there was suddenly a team of nicu doctors in the room. they explained that emmett had meconium in his lungs, and they needed to be vacummed out. sure enough, less than a minute later, aaron was placing him on my chest. i was crying and shaking so hard. he was perfect and healthy.

he was named after my great uncle, emmett, which is also my father's middle name. and josh, aaron's brother.